Effective Communication in Marriage05/03/2015
Although it may seem like rather a basic function to exercise, it is often difficult to simply verbally communicate with each other within the marriage perimeter. Most people find that instead of effective communication, they tend to bicker and this of course is not healthy for the communication exercise neither is it good for the marriage. Learning how to communicate effectively and without any negative connotations or emotions will help to create an ideal platform for both parties to be comfortable in.
Avoid using the cold shoulder or silent treatment tool. This almost always never works and certainly does not help the situation at all. There is definitely a need to speak at some point during this situation as most people would attest to the fact that they are sincerely unsure as to why there is a negative situation in the first place. Therefore by actually taking the trouble to communicate clearly and effectively, both parties will be privy to the actual cause of the current ugly situation and then will be able to move forward in a productive and positive manner.
Learning how to communicate with respect for each other is another very important element to include in the communicating exercise. Making unpleasant and degrading remarks will only contribute negatively to an already unpleasant situation. Therefore in trying to get the concerns across and understood, there should be some level of dignity and respect present in the choice of words used. Trying to hurt the other party as much as possible may seem satisfactory for the movement but it is rarely a good long term solution and might even damage the relationship beyond repair.
Take Time to Communicate In Person
Due to the busy lifestyle of most people, it has become a rather normal practice to communicate within the marriage relationship by means other than actual verbal communication. This is a very dangerous habit to form as eventually both parties will take the time or make the effort to verbally communicate at all, and this certainly spells disaster. Setting aside a specific amount of time to focus on verbal communication is sometime very necessary for the couple to be able to maintain some level of intimacy through the communication exercise. This time allotted gives both parties an opportunity to speak their minds and heart and make each other be understood in a non-threatening manner. Doing so in an atmosphere that is both welcoming and comfortable without any distractions would be worth exploring as it will help to keep both parties focused on each other and on what is being said.
Preparing oneself to be able to communicate in a non-combative manner is also important. Taking the trouble and effort to be loving and nurturing when communicating will encourage both parties to be more receptive to what is being discussed. Using endearing terms and a lot of encouragement will also help to facilitate a better exchange. Maintaining the friendly and loving verbal exchange will allow for more things to be accomplished. Listening is also part of being totally immersed in the verbal form of communication. Without the ability to listen, both parties will not be able to understand the communication session and neither will any positive outcome be achieved. The ability to simply listen will clearly show respect for the other party.
Tune In To Body Language
It is sometime necessary to be able to read into the body language of the other party to better understand what is going on and how to best deal with any surfacing situation. Learning how to read the various body language signs will also allow each party to better understand and interpret the partner’s wants and needs and work accordingly to accommodate them as far as possible. Eyes clamped shut, stiffness in the neck and shoulders generally depict an individual who is either upset or not really happy with something. These signals can be used to effectively help to defuse any situation before it goes out of hand and to also help to divert the person’s attention to something that is more pleasurable and less upsetting. This often takes the individual experiencing negativity away from the offending situation and thus encouraging a better frame of mind. It should be noted that not all body language signals are negative.
When an individual is in a sexy mood there are also some subtle and not so subtle body language moves that will allow the other party to respond accordingly should they wish to. This is important to learn as it will help bring the couple closer when such displays of body language attempts are well read and acted upon. In most cases when the response is favourable, the party using the body language skills to communicate will be so encouraged and happy, that they would in all likelihood make it worthwhile and pleasurable for the responding party. This of course will heighten the communication mode to a deeper and fulfilling experience.
Learn To Be a Good Listener
Learning to be a good listener certainly has its advantages and more often than not it allows the individual to seem like a very caring and considerate person. This is definitely worth learning how to achieve as most people appreciate a good listener over a good talker.
Understanding that listening is anything but a passive activity is a good place to start. Neither is listening expected to be an activity that is neutral and nothing else. In fact good listeners are able to come up with good workable solutions as they are able to understand and follow the various contributing factors to any particular situation being discussed. Developing the skill of being able to listen carefully also allows the individual to “hear” things that are not really being verbalized and yet important enough to need attention. Sometimes these unspoken bits of information can be more informative than what is actually being said through the conversation, and when these bits of information allow the listener to act in a manner that is both soothing and helpful to the speaker, a huge amount of positive effects can be experienced.
Good listeners are usually people who are able to eventually become wise people. Listening takes a certain level of restraint and thus allows the person to mull over the matter being verbalized before making any judgment calls or giving any response. By simply listening, the person is actually allowing the other party to vent everything and anything until fully satisfied. After this happens the person will then be more receptive to any advice or comments made, thus allowing for some type of solution to be made. Two people taking and trying to get the thoughts and views across will not in any way help an already delicate situation.
Be Clear About What You Say
Sometime the wrong words are used or perhaps the wrong tone and this can create a situation that would otherwise not have been forthcoming. Therefore in the quest to be clear and understood, the onus is on the individual to be as precise as possible with what is being verbalized. Sometimes it is necessary to be assertive in both manner and choice of words in order for the individual to be taken seriously. Without being loud or rude, it is possible to ensure whatever is being verbalized is to be taken seriously and not to be disregarded as unimportant or frivolous.
Being clear in stating one’s needs and wants is also something that should be encouraged within a healthy relationship, as this will give both parties the opportunity to learn and respect the other’s way of thinking and perception of things. Avoid getting into the habit of depending on people reading between the lines or anticipating one’s needs. This will most likely lead to a huge amount of disappointment and eventual annoyance when things don’t go accordingly.
Learning not to apologize for certain feelings and thoughts is also something that should be encouraged as those who consistently back down will eventually not be taken seriously at all. However, when trying to communicate, it would be advisable to keep all emotions in check and also to speak clearly and firmly without unnecessary heights of volume included. Respect is something that is very important to acquire when being clear about what is required as those who are unable to win the respect of others will not be taken seriously at all. Sometimes it is necessary to repeat the request in order to ensure the items verbalized is properly understood and complied with. This will allow the other party to understand the importance of the matter verbalized and respect its boundaries.
Using a Touch While Talking
Most humans need to be touched especially within the perimeters of a healthy and happy relationship. Without the important touching factor constantly being exercised, both parties will eventually feel the missing ingredient and this could lead to some detrimental results. Touching and being touched is something every healthy relationship should experience daily and as frequently as possible. The need for touch is very primal and basic, and stroking this desire will leave both parties feeling cherished and fulfilled. It should be understood that not all touching should ideally lead to some form of sexual activity, as this is not only pressurizing but also quite unnecessary. The act of touching should primarily be exercised as a way to convey love, intimacy, comfort, happiness and any other positive connotations which are healthy for relationships.
A loving physical gesture can go a long way and some say further than the spoken word. A lot of people respond well to the physical touch as long as there is no sexual connotation to it, unless the touch was specifically meant to be so. Most people are simply unaware of the huge effects a simple touch can convey, thus often making the serious mistake of not incorporating the touch action into the everyday lives within a relationship. Most marriages on the verge of collapse will usually concur to the fact that there was almost relatively no touching within the relationship, unless sex was the agenda. This is rather a sad scenario to live with as touching does say a lot about the feelings of love and closeness of the couple within the relationship. Even when having a simple conversation with the other party, some touching could be initiated to help the person relax and be more receptive to what is being said.
The Importance of Good Communication
In order to have a strong and healthy marriage, most people would have to put in the appropriate amount of effort into the building process. This building process is usually an ongoing effort that should not be taken for granted at any given time. Committing to good communication will also allow the couple to resolve issues before they become out of control problems. Good communication skill will allow both parties to put forth their individual views without resorting to under handed measures such as insults and other negative verbal expressions.
Being able to fine-tune the art of mutually beneficial conversation will certainly help prepare the couple for times when confrontations surface, as the previous ability to converse well will help to keep both of them focused on resolving the matter in the most amicable way. Committing to good communication will also help both parties to explore and find suitable solutions as quickly as possible rather than lingering on the problem. In doing so, the problem can be contained and there is less chances of it escalating and taking over the lives of both parties.
There are several different reasons as to the importance of committing to having a good and sound communication platform within a marriage. This is sometimes the only means of keeping the marriage alive and well, especially if one party is unable for age or medical reasons to indulge in any sexual activity. Being able to have a good conversation with each other is very refreshing and enlightening. This is even more important as the marriage advances in years and there are no distractions such as children and jobs to occupy their time. In such instances being able to communicate well and on an exciting level will help to keep the marriage in good shape.
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