Defeat Divorce and Save Your Marriage25/07/2017
Men and women have been compared to being residents of two different planets in a popular series of books currently on the market. The hypothesis of the author is that despite popular, modern thinking men and women really are different. In fact, they do have a predisposition to think and act in a different way depending on whether we are male or female. This is because men and women really are made differently! Some of the arguments that occur within a relationship are the result of neither member of the couple grasping this fact. Without being too technical, the practical outcomes of these differences mean that men and women respond differently to the same situation. This is not because either member is uncaring, or forgetful or in some way not responding to the needs of their partner, it simply means that in many cases they are incapable of being any different, simply because this is a gender specific situation and not a personal one.
Understanding that a man will always want to solve a problem rather than talk about it, and a woman will always want to talk it out in order to solve it, is important. Women often complain men don’t want to listen to them talk about their problems, while their silent partners often wish that women would stop talking about the problem so they can solve it. The design of the male brain is specialized to focus on one job at a time and to do that job well. The nervous system in his brain is “wired” so that he can see a problem, work out how to fix the problem and then to fix it. His brain provides a man with the ability to think analytically, to work well with numbers and generally to complete complex tasks.
Women on the other hand, have a brain that is “wired” to multitask well. Women tend to be able to do the washing, cook the dinner, and look after the children at the same time. When a woman asks her husband to do something while his mind is preoccupied and his focus is elsewhere at the time, he is inclined to forget her request, but this is completely unintentional on his part. He really did forget, not because he does not love her enough to carry out the request, but because his focus was in doing something else at the time, she made the request.
Understanding that there are important physiological differences (and hormonal ones) that drive the behavior of men and women is an important step in understanding that our partner’s failure to meet our expectations are often unintentional. Once we can accept that, we can view the actions of our partners from another perspective. Things you utterly must not state if you truly wish to change the mind of your mate. If you wish to change the mind of your spouse or mate concerning anything, you have to not say “But I love you…” I can tell you, stating that and stressing how much you love them isn’t going to get them to change their mind.
When you state “But I love you…” you are in reality telling your mate that you wish him/her to do something your style! Not his/her style. Recall that “human beings tend to love themselves to a higher degree than anything else!” When you state “I love you…” you are in reality loving yourself more. You wish your spouse to do things which will gratify your ego, thus you wish your spouse to do things your way. And your spouse recognizes it! He or she is not going to alter his/her mind simply because you tell them “I love you…”
If you wish your spouse to do particular things your way, you do not have to say to your partner “But I’ve done this and this for you…” Prevent stirring up the past about what you’ve done for him or her. The past is already deceased. Stressing how much you’ve done for your spouse will only tell him/her that he/she has to do stuff your way because that’s the price they have to ante up for all that you’ve helped them do in the past. The more you state this, the more your mate will wish to drift apart from you or leave you. He or she will be too frightened to be with you as they know their motion is restricted by how much they may repay you. So, at any expense, prevent giving them the feeling that they have to ante up a price simply to be with you! No one on this Earth likes to be commanded or restricted by another individual!
Prevent stating things like “But it’s your duty….” Your mate won’t like to be tied down by duty or obligations. When it bears on relationship, there can be rules. Love is unconditional. By stressing too much on duty, you’re going to turn your mate off. He or she won’t desire to be with someone who wishes to impose rules and ordinances on them. So, it is your job and obligation to see that you give your spouse no excuse to leave you for some other individual. So, what precisely must you say if you wish to alter the mind of your spouse to make them accomplish things your way, or view things your way?
First of all, stress the strong points if they view things your way. Let them recognize the advantages and benefits of executing and viewing things your way. Provide them clear-cut explanations. Second, remember your mate isn’t concerned about what other people want. He or she isn’t worried about what you wish. He or she is more interested in what he/she wants and what he/she may receive. A lot of times, they’re not against your thoughts, or whatever it is you need, but they’re really against your pushing aside their freedom of choice. So, provide them what they desire. Provide them freedom of choice. Let them know they’ve the freedom to choose what they wish to believe in or what they don’t wish to believe in. And let them know they’ve the freedom to decide what they wish to do, and what they wish not to do.
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