FINDING THE RIGHT PARTNER - Anthony's Library and Resources

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Thursday, 5 March 2015


A good way to picture the basis of a marriage is as a team. Teams usually work well when there are several different factors in place such as co-operation, communication, understanding and other similar characteristics.

Being able to have all these good qualities within the marriage relationship will allow both parties to live comfortably and peacefully with each other and this should ideally be the ultimate goal to look towards achieving.

However because of the many challenges in life, it may often be quite difficult to focus on enjoying the marriage relationship without some conscious efforts that will help keep both parties focused on the good elements within the relationship rather than on its negativity.  Most experts would attest to the fact that perhaps the most important element that should be prevalent within the marriage relationship should be communication.

Good communication has always been rated as the most important ingredient to cultivate if the marriage is to have a reasonable fighting chance in succeeding.  This simple yet very powerful tool allows both parties to be fully aware of each other’s thoughts, dreams, perceptions, needs, wants, and a host of other informative bits of information that will allow both of them to coexist, create and maintain a strong relationship that will last for the long run.

The ability to be emphatic is also another good quality to practise. This element within the “team” will help both parties be more in tune with each other’s feelings thus creating a more giving rather than simply taking attitude.  Everyone would like to be treated with respect and dignity, and this is even more important as the marriage ages. Most couples tend to make the mistake of taking each other for granted and this is usually the main cause for frustration within the partnership.

Explore Your Personal Values
Every individual should have their own value system in place and this is usually formed as the individual ages from a young adult into a more matured and productive participant in society. Having good values in place will help the person through life’s journey and will be a guiding point for most decisions made.

What Is Expected
Being able to explore the values of an individual and as a couple would be something that would be worth doing for many reasons of which compatibility would be the most important one to consider.  Having compatible values will not only make the growth of the relationship more positive and workable, it will also help to keep them committed to the relationship through thick and thin. These values will help to define how both parties within the relationship think, behave, and look upon each other thus making it the driving force behind the relationship.

Some of the core elements that would define an individual’s value system would have to include ambition, competency, individuality, equality, service, responsibility, respect, dedication, accountability, empowerment, wisdom, independence, persistence, optimism, flexibility and a host of other connective mental and physical thought processes.  

Most values are made up as the individual goes through various experiences in life or through family values being passed on. These values are seen clearly through the way an individual functions in daily life and this is a very good way to gauge a person’s suitability as a potential partner within a relationship.

Having good values in place and also having the values that are compatible or complimenting will help both parties feel more comfortable and relaxed within the relationship.  This is especially important when there are major decisions to be made as a couple, where the values would play a pivotal role in the process.

Decide What You Will Not Put Up With
When two people decide to get into a relationship, there are several adjustments that will often be made and most of these adjustments are fairly easy to accommodate and live with.

However when it comes to making a complete change, this expectancy can be rather unrealistic as some things or habits are not easy to change no matter what the circumstances are.  When it comes to elements such as values, it would be very hard indeed to get the person to change overnight or even at all.  Initially it may not be a good idea to impose on the other party all the things that are acceptable and not acceptable for the individual.

However in the long run, this is probably a very good idea as it will save a lot of time and perhaps even some heartache, if both parties find that they are unable or unwilling to change certain things about themselves.  If this is understood and accepted early on within the new relationship, then both parties will be able to move on to a stronger and more focused level. Therefore in the interest of keeping sane within a relationship, both parties should be forthcoming with what they are willing to put up with and what they are not willing to compromise on.

This level of honesty will certainly help both parties to understand each other better and to decide if there is any future in pursuing this partnership. It is very important to note, that going into a relationship with the intention of trying to change the other party would be an uphill battle and almost always detrimental to the relationship. Thus the need to decide and accept or leave the relationship before it gets too difficult to do so.

Develop A Mental Image Of Your Ideal Mate
Most people have some idea of what they want their future partner to be like and subconsciously seek such a person out during the course of the dating game.

Not all people succeed in finding the exact match and sometimes tend to settle for the next best available option. However with a mental image firmly in place, the individual will be able to make a concerted effort in the right direction and will probably be in a better position to make a good pick.

The following are some of the elements that should ideally make up the demeanor of the ideal mate:

Maturity – this is of course a very important element to possess, as mature individuals tend to make more stable mates and are definitely more reliable and experienced in handling the various complications within a relationship.  This will further benefit in many ways, if the relationship eventually evolves into marriage and having children.

Openness – being open is another good quality to look for in a mate. The ability to be impartial and open about any and all things will give both parties the option to explore various issues without the threat of getting into an argument or even worse affecting the relationship negatively.

Honestly and integrity – are ideal traits to possess as these too will have a positive impact on the relationship.  This is especially useful when faced with painful decisions or situations where honesty and integrity will allow the situation to be resolved in the best possible way while decreasing any impact of negativity with the said decision made.

Affectionate – for some people this is a very natural disposition to have and express, while for others it may be something of a challenge to express themselves or receive affection without being uncomfortable in some way or another.

Meet Like Minded People
Meeting people is not something that should be taken lightly especially if the individual is on the lookout for a potential mate or life partner. Doing a little research and making a conscious effort to go out and about will better the chances of being able to meet with new and interesting people and also contribute positively to the task of finding a suitable life partner.

One of the best ways of ensuring the task of finding a life partner, who would be deemed suitable, would be to seek out wholesome activities where like-minded people are likely to be part of.  This would certainly be beneficial to the eventual relationship as both parties would already have something in common thus paving the way to other connections that could be potentially equally enjoyable.  These wholesome activities should ideally be something the individual is fully prepared to indulge in, as this would be a very important factor that dictates the success of any eventual relationship found.

It is important to ensure from the very beginning, the individual is really keen and excited to be part of a particular activity and not join simply with the intention of snagging a future partner.  Being fully prepared to participate completely in the wholesome activity will also allow the individual to expand his or her current horizons even if there is no potential mate in sight to be snagged; thus creating a win-win situation and not an eventual complete waste of time, as this will eventually become very evident to all other participants especially if the lack of interest and enthusiasm is very clear.

Some of these wholesome activities may include more active sports such as surfing, diving, swimming, sailing, kayaking, golf, team sports or less strenuous activities such as bowling, bridge, mahjong and many others.

The Importance Of Picking The Right Person
A lot of conscious thoughts have to be put into the exercise of picking the right person to share a lifetime with. Mistakes can hardly be something either party can afford to make and neither can either party flit from one relationship to another until the ideal one is found. This will not only be rather time and effort consuming, but will also take its toll on the individual living with this kind of mindset.

After finding and getting the right partner, keep him or her by communicating effectively in that relationship.

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