INTIMACY KILLERS - HOW TO AVOID THEM - Anthony's Library and Resources

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Tuesday, 3 March 2015


Understanding the basis of sexual issues must first be properly grasped before any assumptions can be made on its impact on an individual’s life. There are several different elements that eventually affect an individual’s sex life one way or another.

Research has been able to show without a doubt that there is an unprejudiced analysis of the phenomenon of sex that clearly affects an individual in ways that are radically different from other basic instincts such as thirst, hunger, pain, stress and any other feeling a normal human may have.

Commonly viewed as being a mystery and unique in itself, the individual is affected in ways that are often incomprehensible, when the charm of the other sex is seen through the bodily sexual desire or sexual lust.  This is usually portrayed in the simplest form of the male’s attitude towards it, as it is of incomparable greater moral significance than the attitude to the other bodily appetites.  Most males almost demand immediate satisfaction in this area whenever and wherever it seems to take control and dominate their thoughts.

Apart from the obvious depths from the connection the sexual act can bring, the uniqueness of its intimacy is one of the more strongly favoured responses to expect. The intimacy derived from the sex act is mostly what the female counter part is looking for through the connection. However with women and men now more commonly looking upon the sexual act as a mere exercise to create release from the stresses of the real world, even for a few minutes, the intimacy element is no longer really sought after in most encounters.

Most participants still seek to have some level of heath and safely issues addressed, before indulging in the freedom of the sexual act, as without the proper precautions taken it is very possible that the act of sexual intercourse can come with a whole other set of problems both mental and physical.

Female Physical Sexual Issues
It is fortunate for women today, that the issues related to physical sexual issues can now be openly discussed and there are several avenues availed for the women to seek out. This makes the information on female physical sexual issues more accessible and thus creating a better understanding for all parties over these issues.

The Female Side
When it comes to the issue of physical sexuality, women are more vulnerable that men, as there are usually a lot of underlying connective issues that affect a woman in this area rather than a man.

Women are usually affected both mentally and physically in all sexual issues. The actual act of sexual intercourse more often than not has a rather significant impact on the woman in general thus creating a need to be more delicate in handling issues connected to the sexual encounter.

A sexual problem can be anything that interferes with a woman natural satisfaction gained from the sexual encounter which could range from mental to physical; however in most cases it is usually noted to be of the physical nature. Ideally women should be able to enjoy a few different phases of the sexual act before and during the eventual intercourse, and this should include the stages of desire, arousal, orgasm and resolution. However, most women are unable to focus on these very important phases, which are pivotal to the success of the sexual act, because there are usually other distracting elements present.

The lack of sexual desire or interest in sex is perhaps the most damaging phase to be in. others may include the difficulties in becoming sexually aroused or achieving orgasm which is really a very common complaint of most sexually inactive women. Having to endure some level of pain during intercourse is also another reason for the women to be unable to enjoy the sexual encounter.

Male Physical Sexual Issues
Males do sometimes encounter problem which are directly related to physical sexual issues and if left untreated, the individual will not be able to enjoy a healthy and happy sexual life.

For the male, the testosterone levels usually dictate the sexual appetite of the individual, and when this is not in favorable balance, the individual will usually encounter phases of either total disinterest in sex or complete inability to perform the sexual act even when initiated.

The lack of certain hormones within the body system can create the imbalance that results in the lack of sexual desire. Medical conditions are another probable contributor to the disinterest or temporary physical sexual issues. Sometimes even the medications prescribed can be a negative contributing factor to this particular part of the individual’s life.

Other concerns that can affect the male’s ability to successfully engage in some level of sexual activity could also stem from the inability to control premature ejaculation.  This is often quite an embarrassing situation for the male to bear, thus creating the mindset that is weary of engaging in any normal healthy form of sexual activity.

There is also the worry of inhibited or retarded ejaculation to deal with for some males and this is equally damaging to the male ego.  This condition also further discourages the male from engaging in normal healthy sexual behaviour.

There are also sometimes other painful consequences to sexual encounters that force the male to avoid any form of sex.  These would include the retrograde ejaculation where at the point of an orgasm; the sperm ejaculated is forced back into the bladder rather than released through the normal channels and out of the penis.

All these contribute to the negative mindset of the male thus directly impacting the physical capabilities of the individual. When this happens the males usually resort of unhealthy ways to release their built up sex drives or become totally put off with sex altogether.

Emotional Issues That Impact Sex
Emotional issues do factor very prominently in anyone life, as the one of the reasons for not being actively sexual at certain stages in their life. However instead of avoiding these emotional phases in the hope that it will eventually improve or blow over, the individual should seek some form of help to successfully overcome this phase and get back to being comfortable with having regular sex.

Sexual difficulties sometimes begin with unpleasant or traumatic encounters at some point of the past in the individual’s life. When these encounters are not properly addressed they could eventually snowball into a situation where the individual is so affected by the past he or she is unable to function normally or respond normally to a sexual encounter.

Some of the more common contributing factors would include marital or relationship problems, physiological problems within the individual itself, lack of trust for each other within the relationship, communication problems which could also contribute to the inability for the person to express his or her sexual preference within the sexual act itself or the phase before the actual intercourse takes place, and also any previous traumatic experiences that was not properly dealt with. Other emotional issues that could impact the sex life of an individual would also include the state of the mind of the person which could be in a depressive mode.

When depression set in, the individual would not only be an unlikely candidate for a sexual encounter but could also cause the encounter to take an unpleasant turn which could result in injury to both parties.  There is also the possibility of being sexually abused at some stage in life that causes the emotional setback when facing the possibility of a sexual encounter. Unless these emotional issues are addressed and treated accordingly, most individual will find that they would be unable to enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship.

When To Seek Professional Help
Sometimes people make the mistake of disregarding the first signs of sexual problems and instead choose to distract themselves in other ways. This can be a rather poor way to handle sexual problems as eventually the relationship will suffer and a lot of unwanted pain and negatively will prevail. Therefore in the interest of keeping a healthy and functioning sexual relationship, all concerned should initiate professional help at the first sign of trouble.

When You Need Help
If and when one party within a relationship becomes unsatisfied or disinterested with any sexual contact, it is time to seek professional help. This is also encouraged if the frequency of the sexual act has become so strained and minimal that some intervention is necessary before the situation becomes accepted as a norm.  Most couples make the mistake of putting off sex simply because of their own individual daily life commitments and eventually don’t realize that sex is no longer part of their lives. This becomes even more painful when the realization comes in the form of one party straying into the comforts of a stranger’s arms to seek and find comfort. When this is allowed to happen, it is often more difficult to revive the relationship to its once glory.

There are also other more legitimate reasons that could force the individual to seek some professional help and this would include the inability to function normally sexually. At some point in life most people would encounter this problem and seeking professional help is the best way to overcome this phase in life. Besides the recommendations that are usually prescribed by the professional handling the problem, there could also be a need to have some form of medical aid added to the equation, to help the individual recover adequately to engage in healthy sexual activity sessions again.

The Danger To Your Marriage
There are several dangers that could be brought on by the total disregard or disinterest in taking issues for granted. The following are just some issues to be weary of, as they are commonly known to be ideal marriage wreckers:

Neglecting each other is one of the most common by products of letting issues go untreated. This is a good indication to the each other, that there is no longer an interest in keeping the relationship strong and healthy as not wanting to face issues pertaining to the relationship depicts.

Depriving each other is also another unhealthy way of creating discord within the relationship. When issues are not addressed adequately, the probability of the parties within the relationship feeling that they are being taken for granted would be very high indeed. This will then create the mindset of trying to make the other party “pay” thus encouraging the negative attitude of deprivation.

Dishonesty and betrayal is another product of issues surrounding the relationship not being adequately and seriously addressed. When either party feels that their feelings are not being seriously considered, then they would more likely seek comfort with someone else thus jeopardizing the future of the existing relationship. This is often the most common way that most partners use to get attention or to seek solace.

Attacking each other within the boundaries of the relationship will eventually cause the relationship to fail. This is usually another method of venting frustration when the basic issues are not being addressed, thus leaving the parties no choice but to vent their frustrations on each other.

For further reading on related topic, see The Need for Love and Relationship.

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