UNDERSTANDING THE BASICS OF LOVE - Anthony's Library and Resources

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Tuesday, 3 March 2015



Do you frequently ask yourself if you’re still pleased with your relationship? Do you look back to check why you’re with the individual you’re with today? Do you feel that the relationship is bringing you down more than it’s bringing you up? You might be in an unhealthy relationship and you might have to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship. What is a sound relationship? A sound relationship ought to have the accompanying qualities:

A sense of respect for one another  
Your partner ought to be able to give you the same respect he wants from you.  This is honour for your identity, for your unequalled personality – your humour or the uncanny way you laugh. Likewise this means a sense of respect for your choices. Accepting your choices and comprehending it. Simply put, mutual esteem in a relationship implies that you value each other’s differences and comprehend them, not attempting to alter the other individual’s personality.

Trust for one another
Trust means recognizing that your mate is faithful to you regardless how many alluring chances surrounding him. This is when you see your boyfriend talking to a new girl in his class and you’d know deep inside that your mate loves you enough to not play around.  Everyone is entitled to feel envious.  It is, after all, a really normal emotion.  It's how you respond to that emotion that will count.  Acting on jealousy will only bring you down and won't be healthy for your relationship.

Truthfulness with one another
This ought to go hand in hand with trust as trust is based on how honest your mate is to you. How may you trust somebody who can’t be truthful with you?  Once you’ve caught your mate in a huge lie, you’ll have doubts the next time he tells you where he’s going or whom he’s accompanying.

Your mate won't merely need your support during problematic times. There are individuals who appear to merely come along out of thin air to offer a helping hand if everything appears chaotic, but is nowhere to be found during euphoric times.  It’s nice to have somebody to share wins and happy times with.  It constantly feels great to know that you have somebody who trusts in your capabilities and celebrates your accomplishments with you.

Relationships ought to be reciprocal. Taking turns in making choices, be it as easy as selecting a movie to watch or a place to eat at. This includes that you’re not keeping count of how many times the other individual has made the choice for the two of you as a couple, and you’re not turning the decision making procedure into a power struggle as to who ought to get his way.

Separate individualities
This implies compromising in conditions where there's a difference in interest. This doesn’t have to wind up with one losing his identity merely to give way to the other individual.  Both mates ought to still be able to sustain time for their own interest like when they began with the relationship.

Open communicating  
This includes being able to express how you feel openly and truthfully to your mate without concern of having your candidness misconstrued. Having the sincerity to speak what’s on your mind, provided you’ve thought it out thoroughly enough to understand that what you say will be taken in a good, constructive way.

What makes a relationship unhealthy?
A relationship begins becoming unhealthy when it turns mean, disrespectful, controlling and injurious. A few individuals are exposed to domestic violence and begin bringing it over to the way they carry a relationship. An individual who has grown up to watching physical and emotional punishment inside their homes will most likely believe that it’s normal in a relationship.

Relationships commonly need work. It might have started with an overpowering feeling of love for each other, but then again, keeping that love is an altogether different thing. Comprehending you and your mate’s differences, accepting them and working around those conflicts will make your relationship simpler to handle.  Keeping it healthy, will make you both thrive and grow not merely as people, but as a couple too.

Emotions are the glue that associates you to others and gives meaning to life. They're the foundation of your power to comprehend yourself and relate to other people. When you're aware and in command of your emotions, you are able to think clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges; communicate well with other people; and display trust, empathy, and self-confidence. However, lose command of your emotions, and you’ll spin into mental confusion, isolation, and negativity. By realizing and ruling your emotions you'll be able to gain command over the way you respond to challenges, better your communication skills, and savour more fulfilling relationships. This is the power of formulating emotional awareness.

Whether we’re cognizant of them or not, emotions are a ceaseless presence in our lives, influencing everything we accomplish.  Emotional awareness means recognizing what you're feeling and why.  It’s the ability to identify and express what you're feeling from minute to minute and to comprehend the connection between your feelings and your behaviours. Emotional awareness likewise allows you to comprehend what other people are feeling and to understand them.

Have you ever felt like depression, nervousness, or anger was commanding you?  Do you frequently act impulsively, doing or stating things you know you shouldn’t, only to regret it afterwards? Do you feel unplugged from your feelings or emotionally dead? Do you have a difficult time communicating with other people and making meaningful connections? Do you feel like your life is an emotional roller-coaster – all extremes and no equilibrium?  All of these roadblocks and challenges are related to a break up in emotional awareness.

Our emotions, not our thoughts, propel us.  Without an awareness of what you’re feeling, it’s impossible to fully comprehend your own actions, appropriately cope with your emotions and actions, and precisely “read” the wants and needs of other people.

Emotional awareness assists you in:
v Recognizing who you are: what you like, what you don’t like, and what you require
v Comprehend and empathize with other people
v Communicate distinctly and effectively
v Make sensible choices based on the things that are most crucial to you
v Become motivated to take action to fulfil goals
v Construct strong, healthy, and rewarding relationships.

Have Realistic Expectations
Among the reasons being in love may be so frustrating is that a lot of us expect magic. We expect chemistry, compliments, allegiance and clever conversation. And we expect it all before the main course has even gotten there. Sustaining healthy expectations in love doesn't mean lowering your standards or flexing your morals. Rather, it means coming to the table with an open mind and letting relationships build by nature in their own way and at their own rate. If you frequently feel disappointed after you fall in love, you might be manifesting your own destiny. Attempt these tips to help re-calibrate your love expectation scale.

Be thoughtful. Nothing is quite as appreciated as knowing your mate wants to spend time with you. Make yourself available for conversation or run errands with one another. Conveying the notion that you wish to spend time with your mate renders a great deal of emotional gratification.

Learn the little things your mate likes. If your mate loves a cup of hot tea in the morning, brew some tea. If your mate likes to curl up in a preferred chair for a noon nap, cover her with a blanket. Little courtesies like these may make your mate very pleased with the quality of the relationship.

Keep yourself clean. While this may appear obvious, the fact is a lot of individuals want a kiss first thing in the morning, despite bad breath. Slipping out of bed and brushing your teeth prior to gently kissing the lips of your mate may sweeten the experience and lead to a few pleasant activity. Take a shower while you're up.

Ask your mate what he likes. Most women have particular locations on the body that they love to have touched or fondled. Your mate might love the sensation of your hand on the small of the back or the touch of your lips on the nape of the neck. Discover what they like and how they like it. Both of you will be fulfilled with the results.

Carry the attentiveness into the bedroom. Sex is a crucial aspect of most relationships. Assorted types of sexual activity appeal to different people. Learn what your mate enjoys and be pleased to comply. The result will be a mate who is pleased with you in, and out of, the bedroom.

Be truthful. Nothing may kill a relationship like telling lies. If you are caught in a lie, it weakens everything your mate thinks about you and impacts every aspect of the relationship. Trustfulness goes a long way in keeping your mate fulfilled.

Be a Good Communicator
Learning how to communicate effectively is critical in day-to-day life whether you're talking to fellow employees or loved ones. You need to learn to get your point across in a non-confrontational manner. Practice communication in order to have better relationships with those you love and are around on a daily basis. With patience and time, a lot of individuals may become better communicators and relish healthy relationships.

Talk slowly and calmly. Take in a deep breath to cool off and stay in command whether you are angry, uneasy or shy. Communicate distinctly and concisely. Don't be obscure. State your exact feeling, like, "I am feeling sapped because I didn't get enough sleep." Don't assume the other individual knows how you're feeling. Get directly to the point.

Learn how to listen. Centre on the individual who is talking. Look in her eyes. Repeat back particular things she says so that she knows you're actively hearing her and engaged in the conversation. Pay attention to your gestural communication. Do not look away or be distracted by other things. Body language says a great deal in communication; if you act like you do not care, you might come off as hard-hearted and cold.

Utilize praise along with criticism. Provide a compliment prior to discussing a complaint. Avoid making the other individual feel he is being attacked, which may cause him to get mad and unresponsive.

Despite the numerous ways to communicate, great communicators share in common significant principles and techniques that enable them to communicate effectively. The features of great communicators cut across all languages and cultures. Becoming a great communicator has a lot of advantages and benefits in nearly all careers, the home, and in basically everything. Remember that becoming a great communicator is a womb-to-tomb journey and not a destination.

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